my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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