In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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