I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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