i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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