OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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