Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
