We're like a lot better than the average bears
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
