So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
