I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
