he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
