apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
