i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
