Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
