so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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