he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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