I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
