No subtext here. People are naked.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
