my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
