My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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