who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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