he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
