Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
