At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
