I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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