Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
