My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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