ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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