I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
