we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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