I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
