This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
