You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
