I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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