The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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