I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
