Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
