Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
