I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Couch. On fire.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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