Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
