Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
