Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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