I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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