How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
