I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
