is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
