new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
