I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Enjoy the penises
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
