Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
