What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
