Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
