Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
