If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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