The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
