A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
