i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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