what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
