Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
